Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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