a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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