sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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