I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
