Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
