I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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