I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Houston, we have a squirter
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
