she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
