it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
