I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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