Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
