btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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