What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
