I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
40s are totally the cure
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
