I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
