Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
