Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
