On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
