Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
