I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
