Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
