he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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