your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
