Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just high enough for therapy.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
