3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
