trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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