What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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