So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
