U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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