my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
