I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
