Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
