Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
