that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
