i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
