Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
