That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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