Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
