No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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