I wish i was in the wii world.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
