I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
