ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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