She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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