His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
love makes seman taste better
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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