dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
