that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
