Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
