for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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