Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
