I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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