video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
