My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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