He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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