she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
