Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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